Random Meandering

2006-06-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

I’m hanging out to dry / With my old clothes
Finger still red / with the prick of an old rose
Well the heart that hurts / Is a heart that beats

Creepy!

2006-06-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

Who freaks you out more... the Burger King, or this guy!

Both are equally worthy of deserving a padded white room with no door handle on the inside, but I think the Burger King looks more like he might have pedophilic tendancies... like a guy who'd hang out around the fence of an elementary school. For that I still think he's the creepiest.

Overseas CS: The Final Chapter

2006-05-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

In reply to the pointless “cookies” email from Yahoo Customer Service I wrote:

Thank you for the tip, but cookies aren't the issue. I'm well aware of how they work. My problem (if you'd read my first email) has absolutely NOTHING to do with staying logged in. You’re reply was an admirable effort, but once again your pre-packaged form letter failed miserably at addressing my problem. I encourage you once more to "read" what my problem actually is.

I’m not asking too much, am I? My question is clear enough, is it not?

I thought by this point I was wearing them down… maybe enough emails sent back would trigger some sort of alert, forcing an intelligent person to actually take 15 seconds and actually look at my email.

I was right... just not about the "intelligent" part.

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Music. Our engineering staff is currently looking into the problem that you are experiencing. We apologize for the inconvenience and would like to assure you that we are doing everything in our power to resolve the issue as quickly as possible.

We appreciate your patience and understanding on this matter. As always, your satisfaction is our goal.

Translation: “We don’t know WTF your problem is, and we can no longer
 be bothered with it."

I'm glad I don't pay for the service... but I really pity those that do.

If indeed "your satisfaction is our goal"... I can't help but wonder what
 would happen if it wasn't.

Yahoo Customer Service: The Continuing Saga

2006-05-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

After reading the first reply from Yahoo that absolutely nothing to do with my actual problem, I realized that pursuing the course would lead to nothing... and emptyness. Yet, I went ahead and tried anyways. I'm a glutton for punishment, I suppose.

I wrote back:

Thanks for the reply, but none of what you wrote addresses my problem.

I wrote: The title and artist of the song currently playing reverts to a default of "Imagine" by Prefect Circle nearly half the time. No matter what song or genre, the song and artist is wrong. This is especially annoying when I hear a song I don't know and would like to find out who sings it, or rate it, but I can't but Launchcast is telling me I'm listening to A Perfect Circle when I clearly am not."

I listen to Launchcast in Messenger, completely apart from any browser, so Mozilla, Netscape, or anything else is NOT my problem.

Try reading the problem before sending a prepackaged response. Thanks!

Maybe I could have been a little more polite... but I figured that nobody was actually reading what I wrote anyways, as evidenced by their first reply, so why should I bother being nice about it?

A day or two later I get this in reply, once again confirming my suspicion that nobody is actually reading what I write:

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Music. The problem you are experiencing may be caused by a difficulty setting your user cookie. A cookie is a small piece of information stored by your browser to help identify who you are. Yahoo! uses cookies to keep you signed into your account as you move from page to page. If your cookie is not being accepted correctly, you will be signed out of your account as soon as you move to a different page. This is what is likely blocking your current ability to sign in or stay signed in.

What?!? Where did I tell them I couldn't stay signed in? They plainly aren't reading jack!

"Oryan", the Yahoo Customer Care agent then goes on to give me this entire email full of
suggestions about how to work with cookies. Thanks, but that's NOT my problem.

I will reply back shortly and see what other gem they can come up with.

Reasons why outsourcing Customer Service overseas is a bad idea: #487

2006-05-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

I use Yahoo Messenger at work to keep in touch with the offices at the other end of the building. Having that program running gives me the added bonus of being able to listen to my Lanchcast station. My office is in some sort of radio-wave blackhole, so I can barely tune in anything without being online. Anyways, Launchcast in Messenger has a few quirks... nothing drastic, just annoying. One such quirk is that the Artist/Song Title doesn't always update properly, and even more annoyingly updates to the wrong info... usually defaulting to some song. In my case, 1 out of every 2 or 3 songs defaults to Imagine by A Perfect Circle. The song actually playing isn't Imagine... that's just what displays in my Messenger.So, I decided to write Yahoo Customer service and let them know... maybe they are smart enough to have a fix for it (not bloody likely).

Here's what I submitted to them:

OS: Windows XP SP2
What firewall software do you currently have installed? None
Subject: Other
Type your feedback here: The title and artist of the song currently playing reverts to a default of "Imagine" by Prefect Circle nearly half the time. No matter what song or genre, the song and artist is wrong.

Simple, polite, straightforward... how hard could it be for them to provide me with a quick answer? Harder than I thought, evidently.

Their reply:

Hello,

Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Music.

Unfortunately LAUNCHcast is not currently compatible with the OSX system or the Mozilla, Firefox, Safari and Netscape 6-7 browsers. At this time there is no estimated date as to when this service may be available using these applications.

WTF? Did they even read what I wrote?!? I wasn't typing in some strange language, was I? I didn't use particularly difficult words, did I? I didn't realize getting a decent answer would be so hard. Their answer had absolutely nothing to do with what I asked.

Letter to my ex:

2006-04-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

Dear ******,

I know the lawyers said we shouldn't contact each other except for things that directly involve our son, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things.

I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, ******." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you.

This spring, I met this girl in Miami and brought her back to the hotel with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe, an ass that just wouldn't quit, and oh my god so flexible! Every man's dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, "what about all the stuff ****** and I made important in our lives?". It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderate looking ******? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, or the fact the she swallowed instead of spitting it in a Kleenex... but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you.

Jesus, ******, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the *****'s day-care last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna.

She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom.

And this MILF is a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kid can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too, because I can't help thinking, "Why didn't ****** ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the lawyer's papers. I mean, ******'s just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, ******, she really is.

So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this 19 year old girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 19. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out ******'s really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us.

But do you see how even then... even when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, ******. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the fuck you put the DVD remote?

Love,
Kevin

Talk about breaking a stereotype...

2006-04-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

When someone says "knitting" invariably the first thing that comes to just about anyones mind is a pleasant old granny, perhaps in a rocking chair, needles clicking and clacking away while she crafts a pair of socks, or a scarf, or a warm wooly pullover for her grandchildren.

The absolute LAST thing to come to mind would be a nice ass, and an endorsement by Carmen Electra.

Sexy Little Knits found at Amazon.ca

I'm as stunned as I'm sure you are!

Balls in the grass...

2006-04-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

Or water... or sand... as the case may be. People that know me actually find it surprising I never found my way into the cockpit of a fighter. I'd love to do something like this one day... just for kicks.

Microsoft laces their coffee!

2006-03-30T08:45:00.000-08:00

By the looks of THIS, evidently with crystal meth. Tweaker rejoice.

Jailbait FTW!

2006-03-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

Their parents must be so proud.

Spooky

2006-03-29T10:12:00.000-08:00

Launchcast is freakin' me out man. I was just surfing along today and decided to check out what The Chemical Brothers are up to lately, so went over to http://www.thechemicalbrothers.com/ to see. As the page loads up I hear a ChemBros tune. I figure it's part of the page. I browse, check out a few things, navigate away from their page and the song doesn't stop. It turns out Launchcast just happened to load up one of their songs the instant I navigate to their URL. Freaky man! The progam had been lagged out for like 10 minutes.... but started up exactly as the page loaded.

Evidently, I'm easily amused today.

Thank you Captain Obvious!

2006-03-14T09:38:00.000-08:00

From Launchcast:

James Blunt Calls 'You're Beautiful' 'Miserable'

03/13/2006 8:00 PM, Yahoo! Music
LAUNCH Radio Networks

James Blunt says his smash hit "You're Beautiful" is a sad song, calling it "kind of miserable." He recently said on the Oprah Winfrey Show that it's based on a personal story, explaining, "It was about seeing my ex-girlfriend on the Underground in London with her new man who I didn't know existed. She and I caught eyes and lived a lifetime in that moment, but didn't do anything about it and haven't seen each other since."

No kidding? Really? It's a miserable song? Gee... who would have guessed? I hear people requesting this song all the time on the radio and TV, dedicating it to their boyfriend, girlfriend, S.O., whatever the case may be. The first time I actually listened to the song it struck me as very absurb to be dedicating it to someone you're actually with!

Let's look at the words he says for just a moment...

My life is brilliant. / My love is pure. / I saw an angel. / Of that I'm sure. / She smiled at me on the subway. / She was with another man. / But I won't lose no sleep on that, / 'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. / You're beautiful, it's true. / I saw your face in a crowded place, / And I don't know what to do, / 'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye, / As we walked on by. / She could see from my face that I was, / Flying high. / And I don't think that I'll see her again, / But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. / You're beautiful, it's true. / I saw your face in a crowded place, / And I don't know what to do, / 'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. / You're beautiful, it's true. / There must be an angel with a smile on her face, / When she thought up that I should be with you. / But it's time to face the truth, / I will never be with you.

Yep... seems pretty miserable to me. I can't believe people actually needed him to explain that to them. Morons! Whether it's a love that was lost, never to be found again... or a love that never was, simply unobtainable... either way, it's a serious downer of a song. Next time you hear some brainless twat requesting it for their S.O., point and laugh... please!

Living the song every day is bad enough without people requesting it for stupid reasons!

Muppet Matrix & Nat Portman being baaad!

2006-03-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

The animation could have been better I suppose... but I loved this clip nonetheless!

Click here!

Now, on to an even more interesting clip... click here!

Can ya' believe it? She wants to f**k me too!

(Honestly, I think she has Keira Knightley envy...)

A little blue... a little green.... some Polar Ice....

2006-03-01T12:58:00.000-08:00

... and voila, a MASTERPIECE!

Some 12 year old kid on a tour of the Detroit Institue of Arts (they have "art" in Detroit? Who knew?) stuck a wad of chewing gum - Wrigley's Polar Ice to be exact - on the corner of some abstract painting called "The Bay", by Helen Frankenthaler worth $1.5 million. After taking a look at the "art" in question, I'll say it was likely an improvement. I mean, it couldn't get much worse. Look at it... who's to say it was anything more than a wad of gum to begin with?

Read all about it HERE

Inordinate

2006-02-28T20:33:00.000-08:00

in·or·di·nate -
adj.
Exceeding reasonable limits; immoderate. See Synonyms excessive, undue, unreasonable.

It has occurred to me that "inordinate" is the word to describe the amount of time I spend in a day thinking about women. I've also realized that I spend far too much time "thinking" and not nearly enough "acting". However, it's easier to think about acting than to actually act.

I'd like to say I have a fairly creative imagination, and when it comes to women, maybe it's working a little over-time. On the other hand, most men don't have much imagination at all... that's why men cheat on their wives/girlfriends so often. They look at some random woman at the office, in a bar, wherever... and think "hmm... I wonder what sex with her would be like" and then they do something totally moronic like go and find out. If the man in question had a decent imagination he'd be able to imagine having sex with said woman, and then could imagine all the following consequences. Voila, a little imagination could save a lot of people a lot of shit.

And before anyone jumps to any conclusions.... I'm not thinking about sex all day, just women in general. Specifically (at least for this afternoon), I'm trying to figure out the perfect scenario to meet this woman that I've been wanting to meet for a very, very long time. To be perfectly honest, she's out of my league.... and I mean way out. When she walks by, I literally get weak in the knees, and my higher brain functions cease functioning. I kid you not. I was on the phone with a friend once, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her, and just glancing in that direction caused me to mumble and stumble over whatever it was I saying to my friend… my mouth just stopped being coherent. He didn't know what was going on, so was like "dude, you alright?" I swear, if ever the opportunity presented itself to actually speak to her, I'd make the biggest ass of myself. Decades from now, people would be telling their grandchildren the story of the guy who made such a huge ass of himself when he tried to speak to this particularly gorgeous woman.

Maybe I'll stick to dreaming... it's safer.

And speaking of dreaming, I wonder WTF is going on in my head sometimes when I'm asleep. I very rarely ever remember what I dream about... maybe only a couple of times per year do I wake up with a clear picture of what was going on between my ears while I was sleeping. This weekend, I had two very clear, very surprising dreams. Both of which were about (wait, wait.... you'll never guess) women. Ok, that wasn't the weird part. Both were about women I haven't seen in over a decade.... since we graduated high-school. Now the thing about me in high-school is that I never really enjoyed much of it, and about 96% of the people I went to school with were assholes. In my graduating class of about 100 students, I can count on one hand the number of people I actually cared about as friends, and have fingers to spare, even if I count myself. The rest of my class had absolutely zero impact on my life… and to this day I truly don’t give a damn about any of them.

One was my best friend, a great guy that I’m still friends with today.

The others were two girls... amazing and truly special friends, both of them. I never actually dated either one, cause quite frankly, I always thought the whole “high-school dating” thing was total bullshit anyways. As if a 15-16 year old of either sex has enough of a brain to deal with “serious emotional relationships”. Hah! Whatever. But I digress…

In any case, those two girls just popped into my dream over the weekend… which is kinda’ weird since I hadn’t thought about either one in a few years. And these dreams, they were pretty amazing. No, not “wild and crazy sexscapades” type amazing… just “hugely detailed and unnervingly” realistic type amazing. Usually I remember dreams as just fleeting images, or brief moments… both of these dreams, on two separate nights, were complete stories. Each dream was like a weekend’s worth of time spent with each of these girls. I can’t seem to recall ever experiencing anything quite like it.

Then I snapped back to reality… these girls I knew 11 years ago don’t exist anymore. If I were to bump into either one tomorrow, would I even recognize them? Would they recognize me? One’s probably married, likely with a kid or two. Who knows, maybe she’s divorced and is stuck dealing with a worthless piece of shit ex-husband… kinda’ like my worthless piece of shit ex-wife. Actually I can be fairly sure at least one isn’t married, as the last I’d heard she wasn’t into guys so much anymore anyways. Mind you, I saw that one coming back when we were still in school… she was too often treated like shit by looser boyfriends.

Truthfully, I would say I probably loved both of them… I certainly cared for both of them more than just about anyone else at the time, and given time, I likely would have fallen in love with one or the other. But back then I was too stupid to do anything about it. And now, over a decade later, I sit here lamenting the fact that I was. Ten years from now I’ll likely be somewhere else, lamenting the fact that I never took a chance at getting to know the girls that makes me weak in the knees.

Some things change, and some things forever stay the same.

What am I gonna' watch now?

2006-02-27T05:46:00.000-08:00

Well, last night anything interesting on television came to an end. Two weeks of Olympics closed out with a great big party in Turino, and my other TV addiction, Dancing With The Stars finished up too. Damn! I've got no reason to turn on the TV anymore except NASCAR, and the ALMS, and SWC races later in March. This sucks.

As for the Olympics, all I can say is "wow!" I can't believe we made it to twenty-four medals! That's astounding. We were third in the medal count, behind only Germany and the USA... countries with 2.5x, and nearly 10x the population of Canada. Germany truly dominated, but the fact that we were just one medal shy of the USA is just the coolest. I was skeptical going in, but glad to have been proven wrong.

Two days to go...

2006-02-24T08:23:00.000-08:00

... and we're only 6 medals shy of the goal of 25 that was set by... umm, someone official. Well, only really 5 since we've got a garanteed Silver or Gold coming to us this afternoon, in Curling (oh, how cool.... right). After the slow start Canada really picked up the pace towards the end of last week, and over the weekend. Too bad I was out of town an unable to properly follow what was going on. Once again our hockey chicks kicked ass (yay, depsite the fact that I hate hockey). On the other end of the stick, the men sucked.... badly. I'll even say "yay" to that since them being eliminated means I don't have to suffer through any more hockey... easily one of my most disliked sports ever. (As an aside, that doesn't make me too popular in this town...)

I've discovered that we generally kill in speed-skating... who knew? Must be all that practice dashing down ice covered sidewalks all winter.

I generally have no interest at all in figure skating, but I made an exception this year to watch the women at least. Unfortunately I missed last night's recap of the long program (Dancing With The Stars was on) so I didn't get to enjoy a few more minutes of the unbearably cute Sasha Cohen and her erotic-fantasy-inducing flexibility. Sadly, she fell on her ass.... but it's a gorgeous ass, so she's still a winner as far as I'm concerned.

25 in 17

2006-02-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

So yeah... about that goal of 25 medals. We're kinda' falling short already. 25 in 17 is about 1.5 per day. Seeing as how Day 4 is nearly done, we should have 6 medals right now. We don't. Quite a few solid hopefuls fell short. I guess it's something a normal person can't really understand... people that place near the top of their field consistently don't always deliver at the Olympics. Do they choke? It doesn't seem like it. Maybe it's just that everyone else get's that much better? I dunno'.

I wish I had a TV here at work! Although that means I'd likely not get much work done. The best I can get is an audio feed of the TV broadcast. So while I can't see what's going on, at least I can listen in. Yesterday was crazy. The medical profession in Turin was worked overtime. Eleven different athletes were injured, some very seriously in four different sports. If I remember correctly, three skiers went down (including a Canadian who tore her ACL and is coming home tomorrow), six sliders crashed during the first runs in women's luge (one of which was knocked unconscious and suffered a concussion, another of which was a Canadian), one snowboarder from Japan hurt her lower back, a Korean figure skater pulled out of the games after slamming into the boards during practice, and then finally during the pair long-program the Chinese medal contenders had a terrible accident that sent the poor (and cute) little Chinese girl crashing to the ice, legs all sent in odd directions, and right into the boards as well. They however went on to finish their program after a break to consult medics and then went on to win the Silver! I was only listening (not watching) when that happened live and just from hearing what happened I couldn't believe they were even going back out, let along able to put together a medal performance. Later last night I saw the fall during the prime-time recap and I was even more amazed.

The Olympics are just different I guess. They bring out a spirit and courage unmatched anywhere else.

One down.... 24 to go!

2006-02-11T14:10:00.000-08:00

Our Canadian team has a goal for medals this year.... 25 total. It's something to shoot for before 2010 when Vancouver is the host city, where they hope to dominate. I'll admit, it would rock to rank #1 in your home country. I can't honestly say I think it'll happen, but it could be close. Anyways, as we find ourselves finishing Day 1 we've already got one, a GOLD no less. Jennifer Heil, from right here in Montreal (yeah, we're awesome, I know...) dominated the field in Women's Freestyle Moguls. Not to mention that aside from the Gold there were three other Canadians in the top 12.

We're off to a great start I'd say.

P.S. Last night's Opening ceremony was pretty good... about what I expected in terms of "artistic" whatever. The defining moment, however, was the Ferarri F1 doing donuts on the main stage in the Stadio Olympico. Yes, donuts! Five of them. :)

The Olympics, "ya' shoulda' seen that one coming", and "you aren't helping your case here..."

2006-02-07T05:42:00.000-08:00

First off, about those crazy Muslims. Sorry, I'm all for tolerance of other people's religion, but they just aren't too bright, and I see no reason to tolerate them! All they're succeeding in doing is proving everyone's preconceptions about them right! They are going out and doing everything the cartoons about them portrayed. Any way you look at it, that's just not smart.

On to more interesting things...

The '06 Winter Games are now just a bit over 3 days away! I can't wait. There's just something about the Olympics that transcends simple "sport". I'll watch stuff during those two weeks that I won't even bother thinking of for the next four years after the Games. The Games are just bigger than the sum of it's parts. In four years the Winter Games will be held here in Canada.... albeit on the other side of the country. Somehow between now and then I'll have to figure out a way to get there. It's something I definitely need to see at some point in my life.

On the subject of "ya' shoulda' seen that one coming"... I watched 24 last night. 24 is one of the best things going on TV in a world of mediocre broadcasting, but it's only good if you keep up. Last year I missed a few episodes near the start of the season and subsequently bailed on the rest. In any case, this year I'm watching religiously, and overall it hasn't disappointed. However, I need to make a comment about last night: All I can say is that the dude at the bike shop was a moron. NEVER... EVER.... when a bad-guy says "do this for me and I'll let you live" does he EVER actually let the person live. I'm not just talking about 24.... this is a universal law of bad-guys that applies to virtually every bad-guy in move and TV history. Do people not watch movies? Or was the guy at the shop just that dumb? People with foreign accents, pointing guns at you threatening your life if you don't open suspicious looking canisters with loooking LED numbers inside them.... it just CAN'T end well.

2006-01-24T07:02:00.000-08:00

So, I had a blog once before.... but got rid of it, for certain reasons. Some simple (I just didn't have the time to dedicate to it as I would have liked) and others more complex. But in any case, that's enither here nor there. What is here is this new blog. What is also here is my brain... full of inane things to write about, possibly interesting, probably not. That's up to the reader to figure out.